If technology is anything to go by then landmines and explosives will soon be a thing of the past thanks to D Ravi Shankaran,

Smart sensors to detect landmines

If technology is anything to go by then landmines and explosives will soon be a thing of the past thanks to D Ravi Shankaran, an assistant professor in the PSG Institute of Advanced Studies in Coimbatore. He claims that landmines and explosives could be detected with smart sensors developed by his team of scientists. "After five to six years of painstaking research, we have developed a smart sensor integrating biotechnology and nanotechnology. These bio-nano sensors are so sensitive to explosives of any kind that they can find out any hazardous material even if they are only of minute quantities," Ooty born Ravi Shankaran told DNA. He was in Chennai to address the delegates of the National Conference on Nanoscience and Nanotechnology organised by the University of Madras. "Our experiments in Afghanistan, home to the largest minefields and explosives, proved that our sensors are 100% foolproof. To put it simply, this devise is an electronic version of a dog's nose. We just did the reverse engineering process of a dog's nose," he said. The process to produce them commercially will start soon. "But for that to happen, we have to cross some more hurdles because of the sensitive nature of the instrument. Don't forget that we are playing with some of the most dangerous substances in the world," he said. Though security services all over the world have technology to clear landmines as well as explosives, they are costly and dangerous.

Car Queries

I own a Maruti Suzuki Swift (VXI), which
gives me 10 kmpl. I have done 21,000 kms
since September 2009. With petrol too expensive,
a friend suggested that I sell it and buy a Swift diesel
instead. Another asked me to install a CNG kit instead. Can
you advise the best path for me?
If you drive your car occasionally, replacing it with a diesel
variant won’t make much sense financially. First, try and get
your car serviced if you feel the mileage isn’t normal. You can
try to modify your driving style to get better numbers. A CNG
kit makes sense only as the last resort.

I am planning to buy a diesel car in the `8-10 lakh range.
My daily usage is 45-50 kms. I am looking for fuel economy,
legroom and good features. Which car should I buy?
Also, I want to know what is cruise control.
With your budget, the Verna is your best bet. Get the highest
trim level diesel model that your budget will allow, and you
will be happy. Cruise control is a feature that keeps a vehicle’s
speed constant on long stretches of highway. You don’t have
to keep adjusting the accelerator. This reduces driver fatigue
and helps economise fuel usage.

I am planning to buy a car, preferably a new one. My daily
running is around 60-70 kms. It should be easy on my
pocket (initial investment and monthly expense), with a
good service network. Please suggest me a good car. My
budget is around `5-5.5 lakh.
The new diesel Swift will suit your requirements perfectly.
It’s a great car, the engine is a proven, reliable unit. What’s more,
Maruti’s service network is unmatched in India.

I am planning to buy my first car and my budget is `6.5
lakh. My primary requirement is a family car (for 5 people
at least). My driving will be occasional. Should I go for a
diesel or petrol car? I am interested in the new Swift diesel.
The new Swift petrol or the cut-price Jazz (see the review
alongside) should be your choice. Since your driving is occasional,
we recommend the petrol model.


I am looking to buy a small car. Which is the best in terms
of price, including recurring expenses, mileage, space and
handling among Santro, Wagon R or Nissan Micra? Or, if I
increase my budget, which of the following — Ford Figo,
Fabia or Maruti Swift - would be the choice?
The Santro is the oldest but still
quite competent, but the Wagon R
and Micra are much newer designs.
The Micra edges ahead with a lot of
features standard and recurring expenses
won’t be high either. If you
were to increase your budget, however,
take a good hard look at the
new Swift.

Sixth JETTA MAKES sense

Sixth JETTA MAKES sense

It was fairly warm at the crack of dawn around the spectacular Devi Garh Fort Palace Hotel, as we lorded over fellow beings going about their matutinal ablutions two hundred feet below. The narrow streets were beginning to thrum as denizens of Delwara, 30 km north-east of Udaipur, took another shot at life amid the bucolic, verdant bounties. The distant resonance of a temple bell, green mountains and lush paddy fields — yes, all in Rajasthan — offered a pleasant contrast for penpushers from cacophonous, polluted and hypertensive metros. A sumptuous breakfast tucked in, we looked over the arched balconies and that's when we sighted them 200 metres away, at the base of this 18th century fort-palace: a row of 8 gleaming silver … Huh? Baby Passats? Or did they ctrl+alt+shift >>> the Vento? The first thing that the sixth-generation, all-new Volkswagen Jetta does is it gives a sense of déjà vu. Where have you seen the car before? But take a closer look and the proportions pleasantly expand, with the teutonic nuances hard to miss. Front up, what strikes on the fascia are the trapezoidal headlamps and the five horizontal lines, just like the Vento, and a clean-cut masculine bearing, accentuated by the tray-ish cooling grill. Ah, this one looks, feels big, comfortable and safe. The hood has more geometry than its predecessor thanks to the character lines marking out a quadrangulated V, which, in turn, melds into a coupe-esque windshield. Look around and you see muscular shoulder lines wind through the A and B pillars, wrapping up two-part tailights (which replace the orb-ish split one in the fifth avatar) that have the same trapezoidal treatment, just above the double-exhaust tips. This rear has more allure this time, but falls short on oomph. Yet, it's a sight better than cousin Skoda Laura's hindquarter. Interior The accents are, well, German functionality with elan — classy but not flashy, function plus decent form. The top Highline manual variant, which we drove 40 kms, has a 12-way electrical driver-seat adjustment option. Due to a larger 2633 millimetre wheelbase, there's almost 3 inches of extra legroom for the rear-seat passenger than the previous Jetta. Plonk your derrière on the leatherette, and boy, it feels comfortable with nice thigh support. But the protruding transmission tunnel for the middle passenger can be an issue, especially when the family travels. It's there in the Polo, the Vento and the Jetta, thanks to the platform/chassis used in a host of Volkswagen Group cars. The armrest on the back seat hides a neat utility manoeuvre. Flick down and a cubbyhole trap is revealed that opens into a cavernous, 510-litre boot — just in case you want to pull something out without stopping the car. And a 60/40 split folding rear seat exponentially expands the boot to an awesome 1,550 litres. The dash, with a drop of woody accent on the illuminated glove box, is well-appointed, with a large-touchscreen music system (in the top variants) and a 6-CD changer with Aux-in and 8 speakers — which, pounded out some grating static too at full tilt. Then there's Parktronic assistance, and 6/8 airbags for safety. Even the base Trendline version, priced around `15.5 lakh on road in Mumbai, is well specced out: it has electronic stability programme, ABS, 6 airbags, 16-inch alloys and a decent music system, but adorns fabric upholstery. A goggle storage on the headliner adds a nice touch. What's missing? Automatic climate control is the most conspicuous, and an adjustable front armrest. And what's the point of having cruise control in Indian cities? Or the sixth gear in cities? Performance Driving the DSG — direkt schaltgetriebe, German for direct shift gearbox — the automatic variant, was an absolute pleasure. It took out 50 kms of winding country roads like a breeze. The 2.0 litre common rail diesel engine planted on the six-speed gearbox packs a terrific punch, delivering a rocking 140 Pferdestärke (PS, or horse strength in, ahem, German) at 4,200 rpm. The car torques out at a solid 320 Newton Meters between 1750 and 2500 rpm. Both the auto and manual variants have fabulous straightline speed, show great composure when nosing 200 kmph— and swerved with panache as a biker nonchalantly angled in from the utterly wrong side, sticking to the median on a blind curve along the highway to Ahmedabad. Such thrills, it is said, is common in Rajasthan. Phew! The steering feels lighter than the previous Jetta and dovetails accurately. With its tall gearing, the automatic performs brilliantly and intuitively. The manual's no slowpoke either, and is eager to take off through smooth, well-clicking shifts. Sound damping works well and what you get is a bearable road roar at rev-out. Ergonomic head restraints (three in the rear) soften the whiplash well. The suspensions — coil springs with shock abs and suspension stabiliser in the front and multi-link in the rear — were efficient on chapped asphalt and the steeper bumps. Mileage There is only a diesel variant in the Jetta, and its maker claims a mileage of 19.33 kms per litre for the manual, and 16.96 kmpl for the DSG, citing tests by the Automotive Research Association of India. That would mean around 12-13 kmpl in real-life city driving. Par for course in a segment that also has the Renault Fluence, Skoda Laura and the Chevy Cruze — all of which have more or less similar fuel-burn math. Verdict At around Rs.20 lakh, the DSG version looks a bit pricey, nudging the super premium sedan territory. The base Trendline version hits the round at a decent `15.5 lakh, but Volkswagen has a tough fight on its hand because all the three rivals — the Laura, Cruze and Fluence, as also the Toyota Corolla Altis Diesel — offer a lot of value-for-money proposition.

Review: Car Honda Jazz right, FINALLY

Jazz right, FINALLY

One of the best things to happen in the premium hatchback segment was the price cut on the Honda Jazz last week. The roomiest hatchback in town is way lighter on the pocket and now competes directly on price with segment leader Maruti Swift and the Hyundai i20. The car, called 'Fit' in the US, was launched in India in 2009 as the first hatchback from the Honda stable. It's built on the City platform with a 1.2 litre petrol engine. The upgraded version launched last week carries all the charms of the predecessor and if sales suffer, it will only be due to the lack of a diesel option (8 out of 10 Maruti Swifts sold have a diesel powertrain). Honda has also chosen not to launch the more powerful 1.3 and 1.5 litre versions here. The Jazz has benefited from the increased localisation as Honda has achieved in preparation for the launch of its volume hatchback Brio this month-end. The automaker could thus slash prices ahead of the festival season. Exterior The cab-forward design, sharp lines and central bonnet ridge give a stylish and sporty look. The front chrome grill and a new aerodynamic bumper add to the sportiness and new headlights with silver and black matt finish make it classy. The windscreen in steeply raked and the A pillars are thin, giving wider frontal view than rivals. Together with the new tail lamp cluster and chrome garnishing at the rear, the Jazz looks good from the outside. The only sore point is the lack of turn indicators on outside rearview mirrors. Interior Cabin space has improved further. The boot is a class-leading 384 litres, and doors open wide to allow easy ingress and egress. The rear reclining seats are easily foldable, so you can carry equipment for an entire jazz band or even a bicycle. Effective space utilisation is evident all across the vehicle: two glove compartments with a shelf in between; numerous cup holders, adjustable head rests in the front and back... The car seats five persons comfortably since there is no armrest at the back. Airbags are standard in all three variants for the two front passenger seats but there is no height-adjust mechanism in either the front or back seats. Also, sideview mirror adjustment buttons are not provided in the driver side door, making it a tad difficult to close the left side-view mirror in heavy traffic. New amber coloured stereoscopic dials helps visibility and rear reclining seats ensure backseat comfort during long drives. Performance The new Jazz drives smooth during bumper to bumper city traffic conditions and gives a good pickup on highways. It hugs the road well, gliding over some deep potholes on slow speeds with ease. Turning radius is a comfortable 4.9 metres — only, the absence of a seat height adjustor for a rather short driver like me (and many other women, I daresay) hampers the frontal view somewhat. The gears fall into place crisply and the ratios even, so one need not frequently shift, even in heavy traffic. At 90 PS, the engine delivers the maximum power among similar-sized hatches but torque at 110 Nm falls short of the new Swift. The Jazz's light steering is good at low speeds and the car handles 100 kmph with confidence. All the three variants come with ABS, and that's comforting to know at high speeds and in tricky driving conditions like rains. Verdict The Jazz is a great buy at reduced prices, unless you want a diesel hatchback or car which priced below `5 lakh. The ARAI-certified mileage is 16.7 kmpl. Overall, the car competes favourably in the B segment on price, even as it offers unmatched spaciousness and the safety assurance of the Honda brand.

Shetty 'saved' Rajan from jaws of death, deportation

Shetty 'saved' Rajan from jaws of death, deportation

Underworld don Chhota Rajan and gangster Santosh Shetty may have been at loggerheads since their split in 2004, but if Shetty is to be believed, Rajan owes him plenty. As per Shetty's claims, he has saved Rajan on at least two occasions — once from near death in 2000 when he was attacked by the Chhota Shakeel gang in Bangkok and the other was when he was detained in Singapore and Shetty got him freed before the authorities could deport him to India. According to a statement given by Shetty to the Mumbai police, in 2002, Rajan was travelling from Singapore to London on a fake UK passport. When Rajan reached Heathrow airport, UK immigration authorities stopped him after sensing something suspicious. "To check his credentials, they asked him where Big Ben (the iconic London structure) was. Rajan, however, was unable to answer the question correctly," said a senior police officer involved in the investigation. "Based on this, the UK immigration authorities were able to confirm that the passport was fake and that the passport-holder was not a resident of London. The UK police promptly deported him to Singapore because he had arrived from there. On his arrival to Singapore, the authorities detained him and he was in police custody for over 10 days," the officer added. According to Shetty, Rajan was able to get in touch with him, and informed him about the incident and his detention in Singapore. Shetty now had to figure out a way to free Rajan, because Singapore has extremely stringent laws. More importantly, Rajan had to be removed from detention before the authorities could find out his real identity. "Shetty then used all his clout and connections in Bangkok and Singapore and somehow managed to get Rajan released before his real identity was disclosed. Shetty then took him to Bangkok," the officer said. Apart from this incident wherein Shetty saved Rajan just in the nick of time, the other tale of Rajan's rescue that the arrested gangster has told police is even more dramatic. In September 2000, Rajan was tracked down in Bangkok by members of the Chhota Shakeel gang and was shot at. During this firing incident, Rajan, who was using the alias of Vijay Kadam, was admitted to a hospital by Thai police who did not know his real identity. At the hospital, Shetty and Bharat Nepali figured that the don was still vulnerable because of poor security. Both of them hatched a daring escape plan and with the help of pulleys and ropes, heaved an injured Rajan from the fourth floor of the hospital to a waiting van and fled with him to the Cambodian border. From there, they entered Cambodia and helped Rajan escape before he could be targeted again.

Rly cop helps woman deliver baby

Rly cop helps woman deliver baby

Police constable Rakesh Sonawane of Dadar railway police was on escort duty in the second-class compartment of a Kalyan-CST bound slow local when Nilofar Sheikh, 23, boarded the compartment at Mumbra station at around 4.40am to get to JJ Hospital to deliver her baby. "When the train left Vikhroli station at 5.07am, I noticed the pregnant woman was reeling from labour pains and screaming for help. There were six to seven woman passengers in the compartment, but none of them volunteered to help the woman. The woman told me that her husband Firoz Sheikh was travelling in adjoining compartment," said Sonawane and added that he immediately contacted the Railway Police Helpline for assistance. When the train reached Ghatkopar, Sonawane jumped on the platform to request the motorman to stop the train and also asked the husband to alight from the train. Sheikh was put on a stretcher and taken to a small room on platform no. 2 where she delivered a baby boy. An ambulance arrived to take the newborn baby and Sheikh to Rajawadi Hospital.

MTNL's Centre for Excellence in Telecom Technology and Management

Training At CETTM MTNL

* Mobile Technologies And Services
* Broadband Technologies And Future Trends
* Intelligent Network, Value Added Services And Modern
Switching Technology
* Data Communication And IP Technology
* Telecom Management And Marketing Of Telecom Services
* Unix And Oracle Training
* Management Development Programme
* SDH, DWDM, Network Synchronisation Techniques
* Overview Of Telecom Technologies
* Executive Development Programme
* Multi Protocol Lable Switching (MPLS) Technologies
* IP Networks And Advanced Routing Technologies
* Operation And Mainteinance Of SDH And WDM Network
* Value Added Services In Telecom Business And Global Practices

A One-Stop Facilitator

MTNL's Centre for Excellence in Telecom Technology and Management, an ISO 9001 : 2008 certified institution, has emerged as a one-stop destination for Training

Each day of our journey of life teaches us something; There is so much to learn that even the whole life seems short for it. The 'Guru Shishya parampara' has been in existence for thousands of years and is deeply embedded in our culture. When this age old tradition gets the corporate colour, it manifests itself into a seat of learning like CETTM.

MTNL's Centre for Excellence in Telecom Technology and Management, an ISO 9001 : 2008 certified institution, has over time emerged as a one-stop destination for Training. So be it a core telecom technology training or training on information technology or simply a good training infrastructure to carry out a training program, CETTM has it all.

CETTM's commitment to being at the forefront of the current and evolving training needs of various businesses has propelled its recognition as a leading provider of training solutions. World class infrastructure, excellent experienced faculty, well equipped IT and Telecom labs, suit every training need of the corporate world. CETTM is drawn together by its commitment to a set of core values, including Customer Oriented Approach, Excellent Programs and Facilities, Total Quality Management, Transparency in Dealings and Mutual Respect and Trust.

The values driven environment plays a key role in developing the teamwork and surpassing customer expectations each time. CETTM believes that Excellence is not an act but a habit in the never ending pursuit of knowledge. So the systems and subsystems are continuously monitored for quality and necessary modifications are made to adapt to the changing dynamics and market demands.

Established in 2003, CETTM meets the entire training needs of MTNL in the field of Telecom, IT and Management. Since then, the center has gradually expanded its horizons from being an in-house training center to become the new training hub catering to the larger training needs of the corporate circle. With continuous concentrated efforts and commitment to excellence, CETTM truly represents a culture of learning organization.

CETTM has not only made its mark as a leading training center in Indian corporate circles but also has gained international grounds by catering to trainees from various foreign countries. CETTM is empanelled with Ministry of External Affairs, GoI, for conducting training for participants from ITEC-SCAAP countries.

Under this initiative, CETTM has conducted twelve training programs for foreign participants during FY 2010-11. Fifteen such programs are scheduled for various foreign participants under ITEC-SCAAP program during FY 2011-12.

CETTM also facilitates the training of private organizations by leasing out its training infrastructure. Spacious classroom equipped with modern Audio Visual facilities, latest configuration networked computer labs, conference hall with board room integration and furnished residential facility have been well accepted by various organizations.

CETTM has a long clientele that repeatedly uses the training infrastructure for all its trainings and CETTM is equally proud of the association with all its esteemed clients. Increasing clientele of CETTM is a clear testimony to it's commitment to the growth in terms of Quality and Customer Satisfaction; and the Customers have spontaneously rewarded the good work by strengthening their association with CETTM.

CETTM Mission

n To develop leadership competency in the participants through quality training to face challenges in the field of Telecom Technology and Management

n To improve accessibility of participants to training of international repute

n To explore, create and develop knowledge through applied and concept research in Telecom Technology and Management and

n To hold exhibitions/ conferences/ international trade show in Communication and Convergent Technologies to promote the industry pro-actively.

CETTM aims to become the most preferred training institution in advanced telecom technology and management in Afro-Asian region. Under the special telecom training programs conducted for foreign participants, over 400 foreign participants have been trained.

The trainings are on varied subjects like Intelligent Networks, Value Added Services and Modern Switching Systems, Mobile Technologies, Next Generation Technologies, Optical Fiber Cables and Telecom Transport Systems, Telecom Management, Telecom Billing, MPLS, Broadband Technologies, etc. Each training has an overwhelming response in terms of participation and the trainees are satisfied as the exposure to the latest technologies induce a lot of confidence in them.

CETTM has tremendous faith on the abilities of young students. It believes that they should be exposed to the practical applications and encouraged to be comfortable with the latest telecom systems. With the rapid changes in Telecom technology, the creative minds should not only be sharpened to be in tune with the change but also to lead the change. With this larger goal in mind, as a part of corporate social responsibility initiative, CETTM had conducted Telecom technology courses for engineering college students.

Under this initiative, over 350 students from different engineering colleges of Mumbai have been trained during the month of June and July 2011. The training was an excellent opportunity for the students to understand and assimilate the real time application of telecom technologies. It aimed to equip the students with requisite knowledge and abilities to strengthen their career path in Telecom field.

A Comprehensive Training Facility

In this knowledge driven age, the strength of a company lies in the quality of knowledge its man power possesses. Training is two pronged tool that on one hand enhances the skill set of an employee and on the other hand increases the quality of the output of the company. CETTM recognizes that training is vital to any organization as it equips its personnel with the requisite skill set and also induces zeal & enthusiasm in them. This very function of training is emphasized in CETTM for one and all. In a serious recognition of this fundamental value, CETTM provides training infrastructure to different organizations and contributes its share in strengthening Indian Corporate. In this effort CETTM provides the following infrastructure on lease for training:
Classrooms: Seventeen spacious air conditioned classrooms, each with a capacity of 30 persons, are well equipped with the latest audio visual equipments for the best training experience. The classrooms have most comfortable executive seating arrangement and the trainees do not feel fatigue even if the training goes on for a longer duration. Day time catering facility is made available to the trainees.
Computer labs: Nine computer labs with latest configuration, to meet the current requirements of IT trainings. The pleasant ambience in CETTM is an add on to the hectic IT trainings. Air conditioned labs with the 25 networked PC are most suitable for any kind of computer based training and has leased line internet facility for assured & seamless connectivity.
Residential facility: Total of 435 fully furnished residential rooms makes the most comfortable stay close to the training premises. The facility provides both AC & Non-AC single & double rooms for the inmates. Situated in the beautiful location of Hiranandani Gardens, Powai, the residential facility is very conveniently approachable from both the airports and also from Andheri station on western and Kanjurmarg station on central railway track. In the premises, morning hours are full of energy as the inmates use the beautiful jogging track and the evenings are pleasantly filled with light sports in the air conditioned sports club. After the hectic day, the inmates relish the multi-cuisine Veg / Non-Veg dinner at a spacious dinning hall.
Conference Hall: The conference hall with boardroom integration is the most suitable for team discussions, high profile trainings, sales meets, etc. The conference hall is acoustically designed to restrict the voice with in the hall. The air conditioned hall with a capacity of 60 is equipped with video conferencing facility enabling contact with any 3 locations. The automation in conference hall features the speaker on 3 large screens inside the hall. The executive seats are ergonomically designed for long sitting.
Seminar Hall: This hall is the most sought by corporates in and around Mumbai. It has a very comfortable slanting sitting arrangement for 72 persons. The beautiful interiors are very impressive. The other audio visual aids like projector, screen, white board, one computer for trainer, mic (both stationary and cordless) makes the training experience most pleasant and beautiful.
Being centrally located in the heart of Powai, CETTM has emerged as a powerful destination for conducting trainings. No doubt, CETTM has responded well to every requirement of its clients and overtime CETTM has built a very long term mutually beneficial business relationship with them.
       

Insight into inner strengths

Training brings a sense of loyalty in the employees, in a way that once they are trained by the Company in a particular field, the employee is also morally and ethically bound to serve the Company so as to put to use his knowledge which he/she has acquired in the training.
With this philosophy in mind, CETTM focuses on need based training. The need analysis is done to find the specific requirement and the training modules are designed and developed accordingly. The training helps individual participants to develop the requisite skills and enhance their work efficiency. CETTM believes on continual improvement and hence feedback is obtained from the trainees on completion of each training programs.
The shortcomings, if any, in the programs or facilities are removed on the basis of the suggestions from the trainees. CETTM being an ISO 9001-2008 Certified Training Center, as per its Quality Policy, aims on continual improvement of all the courses and facilities by duly training the internal faculty on various topics as per identified training needs.

Clean Anna gives birth to Brand Anna

Clean Anna gives birth to Brand Anna

Anna Hazare, 74, has not just captured the imagination of the ordinary citizen of this country but also that of several brand managers who are cashing in on his popularity. Nokia is now promoting its smartphones with an operating system called Simbian Anna, actor Saif Ali Khan is seen at a peaceful rally in an ad for Lays while Tantra and Inkfruit are selling merchandise like T-shirts, caps and bags with 'anti-corruption' slogans. The Gandhian is also the inspiration for an online game — Yes Prime Minister — and an advertisement for pesticide brand Hit. Hazare who has been on an indefinite fast since August 16 has received overwhelming support in his fight against corruption. Several other marketing strategies are now being devised around him. Business houses, however, deny that Hazare has anything do with their campaigns. "The system was conceived months ago and has a Western pronunciation. It has nothing to do with Hazare's name," said Poonam Kaul, director of communications, Nokia India. Pradeep Wadhwa, head of corporate communications at Pepsi Co said its ad featuring Saif was not inspired by Hazare. Experts believe brands want to cash in on 'Annaism' but are exercising caution. "Using Brand Anna means going against the government," said an ad guru and a marketing expert.

Have lost six kilos, but you keep me strong: Anna to supporters

Have lost six kilos, but you keep me strong: Anna to supporters‘ 

आज उपोषणाचा नववा दिवस आहे. माझी तब्येत एकदम व्यवस्थित आहे, मला काहीही झालेलं नाही. मी आणखी नऊ दिवसही उपोषण करू शकतो ’ , असा जबरदस्त विश्वास ज्येष्ठ समाजसेवक अण्णा हजारे यांनी व्यक्त केला आहे. रामलीला मैदानावरून ‘ इन्कलाब जिंदाबाद ’ चा नारा देऊन आपण ‘ फिट अँड फाइन ’ असल्याचं त्यांनी दाखवून दिलंय.

अण्णांची तब्येत खालावली आहे, त्यांना तात्काळ ग्लुकोज चढवावं लागेल आणि लवकरच हॉस्पिटलमध्ये हलवावं लागेल, अशी जोरदार चर्चा कालपासून सुरू झाली होती. अण्णांचं वजन सहा किलो कमी झाल्याचं आज सकाळच्या मेडिकल बुलेटिनमधून सांगण्यात आलं. परंतु, ग्लुकोज चढवण्यास अण्णांचा नकार होता. त्यामुळे त्यांच्या समर्थकांमध्ये थोडंसं चिंतेचं वातावरण होतं.

मात्र संध्याकाळी अण्णा रंगमंचावर अवतरले आणि त्यांचा उत्साह पाहून हजारोंच्या जनसमुदायानं एकच जल्लोष केला. ‘ भारत माता की जय ’ , ‘ वंदे मातरम् ’ च्या घोषणा घुमल्या आणि अण्णांनी आपल्या खणखणीत भाषणानं तरुणांमध्ये जोश जागवला. आज उपोषणाला नऊ दिवस झाल्यावरही देशभर क्रांतीची ज्योत तेवत आहे. त्यातून मला प्रचंड ऊर्जा मिळतेय. मी एकदम ठीकठाक आहे. आणखी नऊ दिवसही मला काही होणार नाही, असा आत्मविश्वास त्यांनी व्यक्त केला. आज काही गद्दारांनी आपल्या देशाला साफ मातीत मिळवलंय. पण आपण सगळे मिळून एक नवा भारत घडवूया, असा नारा त्यांनी दिला आणि जनसागर आनंदानं उसळला.

Marathi jokes Hasnaar Kaa?

बायको : काल तुम्ही मला झोपेत शिव्या देत होता.

नवरा : नाही ग.

बायको : हो, मी ऎकल्या. तुम्ही झोपेत मलाच शिव्या देत होता.

नवरा : तुझा गैरसमज आहे.

बायको : काय, कोणता गैरसमज ?

नवरा : मी झोपलो होतो.

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सरदार सांतासिंग ज्योतिषाला :माझे लग्न कधी होणार ?"

ज्योतिषी : तुझ्या नशिबात लग्नाचा योग नाही."

सांता : कां ?

ज्योतिषी : अरे तुझ्या नशिबात अपार सुख लिहीलय !

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  एका प्रसिद्ध मासिकासाठी काम करणार्‍या फोटोग्राफरला एकदा जंगलात लागलेल्या आगीचा चांगला फोटो काढायचा होता. त्याने बराच प्रयत्न केल्यावरही चांगला फोटो मिळेना, प्रत्येक फोटोत आग दिसण्या ऎवजी धुरच दिसायचा, तेंव्हा त्याने आपल्या संपादकांना फोनवरुन कळवले कि जंगलात आग लागली आहे व आगीचा फोटो विमानातुनच काढणे शक्य आहे तर लौकरात लौकर विमानाची व्यवस्था करा.

संपादक म्हणाले लगेच करतो तु विमानतळावर जा.

फोटोग्राफरला घाई झाल्याने त्याने विमानतळावर पोहोचल्यावर सोपस्कार पूर्ण केले व एका लहान विमानात जाऊन बसला व पायलटच्या जागेवर बसलेल्याला म्हणाला चल लगेच उडूया.

पायलटने विमान आकाशात नेल्यावर त्यांनी आगीच्या दिशेने ते वळवले.

फोटोग्राफर म्हणाल चल आता विमान जरा खाली घेऊन ३ ते ४ फेर्‍या मार.

पायलट म्हणाला," का ?"

फोटोग्राफर," मी फोटोग्राफर आहे, मला या आगीचे जवळून फोटो काढायचे आहेत."

"अरे बापरे, मला वाटले तुम्ही नविन ट्रेनर आहात व मला आज विमान कसे उतरवायचे हे शिकवणार आहात.", 

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सुरेशचा एका आजोबांसोबत वाद सुरु होता. तो म्हणाला,"आजोबा, तुमचा काळ वेगळा होता. आज बघा आमच्याकडे फास्ट कार आहेत, टिव्ही आहेत ज्यावर कायम काहीतरी सुरु असते, जेट विमाने आहेत, अंतराळ प्रवासासाठी वाहने आहेत आणि.................

सुरेश थांबलेला बघुन आजोबा म्हणाले,"हे सर्व आमच्या पिढीने शोधले तुमच्या पिढीसाठी ! तुम्ही तुमच्या पुढल्या पिढीसाठी काय करताय !"

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खमक्या मालतीबाई पेंटर पुढे बसल्या होत्या व पेंटर त्यांचे चित्र काढत होता. मधेच त्या पेंटरला म्हणाल्या ,"हे बघा, माझ्या चित्रात छान हिर्‍याची अंगठी, सुंदर नेक्लेस, अप्रतीम सुंदर मंगळसुत्र व अजुन काही दागीने दाखवता अलेत तर दाखवा."

"पण तुम्ही यातल कहिच घातलेल नाही." पेंटर म्हणाला.

मालतीबाई," तरिही दाखवा. मला माहितेय मी मेल्यावर हे नक्किच दुसर लग्न करणार तेंव्हा माझा हा फोटो बघुन ती यांना सुखाने जगु देणार नाही."

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एका शिशू वर्गात एकदा बाईंनी मुलांना सांगितल, तुम्हाला आवडेल ते चित्र काढा....
सर्व मुलांनी लगेच दिलेल्या कागदांवर चित्रे काढायला सुरुवात केली.

थोड्या वेळाने वर्गात चक्कर मारताना बाईंनी एका मुलीचे चित्र बघितले व विचारले हे काय काढते आहेस तु ?

मुलगी,"बाई मी देवाचे चित्र काढते आहे."

बाई,"पण देव कसा असतो हे कुणालाच माहित नाही."

मुलगी," थोड थांबा मी चित्र काढल्यावर कळेलच देव कसा असतो ते. " 

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"तु माझ्याशी लग्न करायला तयार आहेस का ?" मंगेश.

साधना, "मी तुला या अगोदरच सांगितले आहे. मी तयार नाही."

"मी दोन दिवस वाट बघतो. अन्यथा मी विहार लेक मधिल बर्फात मधोमध एक भोक करणार व त्यात स्वत:ला बुडवून घेणार." मंगेश.

साधना,"अरे, मुंबईत इतकी थंडी कधिच नसते कि विहार लेक मधिल पाण्याच बर्फ होईल."

"तर मी अशी थंडी पडायची वाट बघणार."

Marathi jokes