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From being bogged down with studies to the pressure of being the best in every activity, and from being the naughtiest kids to loving their parents in times when they break down. Children surely have diverse roles to play in life, in addition to a whole of responsibilities that seem to be simple to us. However, amidst a lot of issues that surround them, there are some things that are special about being a single child.
From being the one who seeks maximum attention to the one who sulks the absence of a sibling, a single child has the whole world just revolving around him. "In today's kind of lifestyle, people want to give everything to their child. They fear that having two kids, will divide their attention and responsibility towards their child, which is unfair. That's the reason most people prefer having a single child these days. And when it is about having a single child, upbringing plays a very important role," mentioned Dr Malini Shah, clinical psychologist at Aastha Chrysalis, Vashi. Shalini Singh Rajaram, a resident of Nerul agrees with the view. She too has, just a son, and as parents they do understand the effects of having one. She explains, "It's not a trouble for the parents, but it is the child that suffers the most. We give him the maximum attention which forms an intervention after a while; which is why we enrolled Pranay (their son) in a hostel two years back so that he doesn't feel the pinch of being single."
On talking about the pros, Dr Kurien S Thomas, a psychologist, states that many parents feel that having a single child would mean they can give more attention and entire savings and property to the child. "This would mean that the child will have everything ready in hand and can lead a life without financial burdens. The best of educational facilities, luxuries are provided to them, which I see as the only advantage," adds Thomas. While Shah points out quiet a few advantages like the child feels quite wanted, accepted since he gets all the attention. Moreover the family being quite close knit there's a lot of warmth and no adjustment problems at all. However, there are some who take being single as a challenge and grow to be more responsible, with time.
Pradeep Kumar, a resident of Airoli says that being a single child is much better than bothering parents to share the smallest of things. "I have been a single child, and my daughter too is one. I remember I would return from school and start doing my homework, without anyone pressurising me. In fact, my daughter too is the same, she comes back home in the afternoon when both my wife and I are at work. She comes home, puts her uniform to wash, she has a timetable for each day, about what household chores she would be doing. And on specific days, she either cleans her study table, makes up her cupboard, etc. And we have never told her to do all these. Single children do grow up to be more responsible, which lacks in siblings."
However, the cons too are not less, Karyn Mendonca, a clinical psychologist from Seawoods, mentions that over attention is the biggest issue that single children face. "The smallest of things is monitored or scrutinised, which leaves them not getting their private space. This over attention leads them to withdraw from their parents and look for friends and well-wishers outside." Also, parents often become hyper vigilant or, over protective, since they have the fear of losing the child, which is the reason they try to give their best. In the process the child may not get his desired freedom, which leads to depression. Shah also states, "There's an issue of importance, which is given at home, but may not be given outside, which leaves them feeling unwanted by outsiders."
In fact Thomas terms it as the "Lone Syndrome" and mentions that the child tends to feel more dependent on the parent and may lack self confidence to meet the outer world. "The only child generally tends to be selfish as the sharing, caring, adjusting mentality does not exist. I have seen some families facing trouble as the spouse does not know to adjust, care, share etc as the values are not in-built in that person," added Thomas. |
