Bosses are from Mars, as well as from Venus

Bosses are from Mars, as well as from Venus

Your boss is your boss. Your boss should be a feature-less dispenser of instructions for you to carry out. A booming divine voice from the sky, or smelly cabin, or corner cubicle, whatever be the case. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that way. Those trivial things, let’s call them human traits, make a hell of a difference. And nothing creates more ripples in the otherwise calm pond of interpersonal dynamics in office, than what your bosses are packing in their pants. So here’s a handy to guide to figure out how male and female bosses differ and how you should go about navigating that difference. Bosses tend to get pissed. Often. Reasons can vary from the personal: Their son just got a massive tattoo of a skull with a snake crawling out of its ear holes, to the official: It’s the fifteenth time your grandma died and you couldn’t come to office. Whatever it is, just put your head down and take it like a good employee. If you have a male boss l DO SAY: Of course you’re right sir, whatever you say sir and may I just say that I have a ticket for the next Mumbai Indians match right here in my pocket. For you. l DO NOT SAY: Of course you’re right sir and may I just say I have a free voucher for a hair-transplant clinic. For you. If you have a female boss l DO SAY: Of course you’re right m’am and may just say I appreciate your honesty. l DO NOT SAY: Of course you’re right m’am and may I say I appreciate you coming to office in spite of the fact that it’s clearly that time of the month. Bosses like to be flattered. There’s a thin line between flattery and straight-up ass licking. “That tie really looks good on you.” That’s flattery. “Oh you fired your maid? No problem, I’ll get you lunch from home everyday.” That’s creepy. And it will ensure that every other person in office hates you with the fury of an exploding star. If you have a male boss l DO SAY: Hey boss! Looking good. Have you been working out? l DO NOT SAY: Hey boss, can you stand by the window. I love the way the sun bounces off your muscular arms. If you have a female boss l DO SAY: Ooh, I love your scarf. Where did you get it from? l DO NOT SAY: Ooh, I love your blouse. What size is it? Did you have to get it altered? Honesty might be the best policy when thrashing out global nuclear-disarmament deals, but it is absolutely the worst policy when it comes to pointing to your boss that s/he’s made a mistake. If this most un-envious endeavour falls to you to accomplish, remember this: discretion, in this case, is definitely the better part of valour. If you have a male boss l DO SAY: So what if the report is a week late? You can’t remember everything, considering how much you have to do. l DO NOT SAY: If you spent a little less time perfecting your golf-swing and remembered that you have responsibilities at work, you wouldn’t be in this shit. If you have a female boss l DO SAY: I should’ve sent you a reminder that the report was due. Well, I did, but I should’ve sent you three more. Won’t happen again. l DO NOT SAY: Being a working mother sure is tough. Not everybody can pull it off, eh boss? Occasionally, you might be put in a situation where you have to partake in alchoholic beverages in the company of your boss. Here’s a thumb rule. Take one sip of your drink for your boss’ three. If you have a male boss l DO SAY: Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Stop being so funny boss, I’m choking with laughter. l DO NOT SAY: You kiss your wife with that potty mouth? If you have a female boss l DO SAY: I love the colour of your drink. The pink goes so well with the cobalt blue cocktail umbrella. l DO NOT SAY: You’re tipsy? On that drink that looked like it was mixed by the Power-Puff Girls? Unbelievable. Women. Sigh.